cagefight: ashlee vs. sarah (palin)

CRUELLA DEALASKA VS. PEOPLE WHO DON'T MAKE COUCHES OUT OF BEARS AKA:

PALIN vs. PIPER

so, i had the good fortune of, in my quest to make the agenda for the federal improper authorizations project i head up more interesting, stumbling upon this picture of sarah palin. not only do her teased bangs indicate to me that she is too out-of-touch with trends to be a leader of any sort (she reminds me of the women who whole-heartedly work the lancome counter in pittsburgh - brown lip liner, too much perfume, an air of knowing everything there is to know about the glamour industry whilst lacking any knowledge of glamour), but she's a fucking balls out hunter. they say a picture is worth a thousand words and if you peruse my and my friend's facebook pages (sorry hays, brian, and others implicated), you can see why we would make better vps, simply because we don't surround ourselves with taxidermied shit. i am waiting for her to debate joe biden while swathed in a coat made of dalmatian. oh, and she'll be pimping out her poor baby the whole time. the biggest sadness is that it's working. my dad called me the other night to say, "you should like sarah palin - she wears glasses and she's for kids with downs syndrome and all that stuff you care about." like anyone is against supporting kids with disabilities. don't do it, america. don't scare me so. the only animals i have zero love for are the rats kicking around my basement. and even then, if they spoke to me or exhibited non-threatening behaviors, i would keep their secret and make them my friends. so long as i can envision them sporting bonnets and aprons, i'm golden.

upon checking my photos at home, boy howdy do i have pics of peeps getting cozy with animals.  none of which include embracing a king crab, but whatever.  and, much to my shock, i have almost none of haley or abbey with animals (unless you count skeevy state government or gypsy bar clientele), which is odd because they love animals more than people, as i do.  we will have to remedy this and go on a reunion tour of the zoo where we will embrace and coo at every creature imaginable.  

i dug deeper into the genesis of this picture.  it's her office - like the governor's office.  now, some of us recall romney's office and patrick's inner sanctum, which featured the much publicized new curtains and furnishings procured with tax payer's cash, but i never remember any animals.  or slide red platform sandals.  god, i look at her and the word that comes to mind is "yeasty."  there's a special place in hell for a woman like me, i know.